Why does love hurt so much but feel so good?
by BlueFireIce
Summary: Hiei catches Botan thinking of him and he doesn't take it well. Yukina tries to help Botan and Hiei goes to kurama but can these two helpers fix the problem? Hiei is OOC
1. creation of the problem

**Disclaimer: I do not own Yuyu Hakusho**

Sighing sadly, Botan walked through the small woods to a pond. Botan wasn't feeling that great lately and she knew why. She had a certain someone on her mind but she knew that she wasn't on his. She can remember what he had said when he read her mind and found out what she was thinking.

_**Flashback**_

_Botan was sitting on a rock sighing happily at the thoughts that filled her mind. Finally after much internal conflict she admitted to being in love with Hiei. She just accepted it and the thoughts that came with it. Right now she was thinking of Hiei hugging her around the waist while they watched their children of the ages 4 run around and play with each other._

_Botan didn't notice Hiei near by nor did she notice him reading her thoughts. Why was he reading her thoughts? Well he had called her over 20 times and not once did she respond. He could tell she was in deep thoughts and so he was going to scare her while she was thinking. But when he entered her mind the vision that came surprised him to say the least._

_Hiei after watching her mind for a couple minutes walked over to Botan and shook her. She snapped out of her thoughts to see an angry Fire demon looking at her. She was scared and showed it too. Hiei let go of her and glared his death glare at her. His jagan eye was glowing and Botan knew he read her mind. She felt her whole world crumble and she felt as if she were shrinking under his intense glare._

"_What makes you think that I would ever fall for a baka Onna like you?" Hiei asked with disgust. Botan sighed sadly and Hiei was surprised she wasn't crying. Botan slowly lifted her self from the rock and stared at Hiei with a sad smile._

"_Nothing makes me think you ever would fall for me Hiei. I don't know how or when I fell in love with you but the instance I knew I was in love with you I prepared my heart to be shattered. I've managed to hide my pain so you wouldn't ever know but I knew that this day would come sometime. Well goodbye Hiei, and thank you." Botan said._

"_Why the hell are you thanking me Onna?" Hiei asked._

"_Because now I don't have to keep guessing about your feelings." Botan said. She sniffled a little and walked away. Hiei stared at her in confusion and anger. Why wasn't she crying? That confused and angered him._

_**End Flashback**_

Botan sniffled a little and wiped a tear from her eye. She walked over to the pond and sat on a rock and dipped her feet into the cool soft water. She could feel the little fish nip at her toes. They tickled yet hurt at the same time. Just like love did.

Botan sighed shakily trying to keep from crying. She knew that it was coming so why did it hurt so much? Botan could answer that. Hope didn't want it to come and her mind knew it was coming. Hope always wins…always.

"Well I'll move on someday. I'll be okay again. When I go to the meeting tomorrow for our mission that I know we will have I'll just put on a smiling face and act as if nothing happened. I'll put on the mask that I put on every damn day of my life." Botan whispered with anger.

"Why me, Lord Enma? What did I do? Is it because I'm a ferry girl? If so then I don't want to be anymore. I want to just go to the heavens now. I want to see mom and dad and my little twin siblings Kyo and Neko. Why do I have to be tortured?" Botan cried out to the sky, knowing not a soul was listening…or so she thought.

"Botan-Chan what is wrong?" Yukina asked walking towards her. Botan gasped and wiped the tears from her face. She smiled at Yukina and Yukina didn't smile back. Yukina sat down beside Botan and looked at her with worry.

"Why are you crying Botan?" Yukina asked. Botan sniffled.

"Nothing you should take your time to worry about Yukina. It can be fixed with time." Botan said looking away from Yukina. Yukina put a hand on Botan's shoulder.

"I need to worry. You're my friend and are like a sister to me and you're out her crying. I need to know why." Yukina said pleadingly. Botan looked at Yukina and sighed looking down at her knees that were now pulled to her chest with her toes dripping with water.

"Yukina, you love Kazuma right?" Botan asked. Yukina nodded her head.

"Yes I do love him Botan." Yukina said. Botan sighed.

"If he didn't love you back, and this is if because we all know he does, how would you feel?" Botan asked.

"I would feel alone a lot even though I had my friends and I would probably be very depressed." Yukina said. Botan nodded her head.

"Right now that's how I feel." Botan said as a tear slipped down her cheek.

"What happened, Botan?" Yukina said with so much worry.

"Well yesterday my heart got broke into little tiny pieces." Botan said as another tear slipped down her face.

"By whom, Botan?" Yukina asked softly.

"By your brother Yukina." Botan said shakily. Yukina didn't gasp or show any signs of surprise. She only sighed.

"It hurt so much Yukina…how cold his voice was towards me. I had been thinking about him and he found out and…and gave me the worst rejection I could possibly get." Botan said and started crying softly. Yukina hugged Botan close to her. Yukina knew Botan was a fragile girl and she shouldn't be hurt. She did nothing wrong.

"It'll be okay Botan. Like you said yourself time can only heal it." Yukina said. Botan cried more.

"But I've loved him for so long Yukina and I've loved him so much. I don't know how much time I want to give. I can't bear to see his face again. It will only bring sad thoughts." Botan sobbed into Yukina's shirt.

"Let the sad thoughts come Botan. Let your love for him hurt you. That's the only way you can heal yourself." Yukina said softly. After a while Botan's tears subsided. Botan pulled herself out of Yukina's hug. She smiled sadly at Yukina.

"Thank you, Yukina. I wish life were much easier. Why does love have to be so great yet hurt so much?" Botan asked sadly.

"So that we can show our loved ones how much we care." Yukina said. Botan smiled at her.

"You're the best Yukina." Botan said. Both Yukina and Botan stood up and started towards Yukina's home. Hiei had heard the whole entire thing. He felt bad and guilty.

He knew Botan didn't deserve the pain or the rudeness she was given. Hiei wanted to fix it but how? He was going to ask Kurama while Yukina took care of Botan.

**Well that's the end of the first chapter. Review please and thank you!**


	2. Fixing the problem

**Disclaimer: I do not own Yuyu Hakusho**

Hiei landed on Kurama's balcony. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he walked to the balcony doors (A/N they were French doors…not that it really matters) and pushed them open. Hiei's eyes fell on Kurama sitting at his desk leaned over much work. Kurama looked at Hiei and smiled, softly pushing his work aside.

"Hello Hiei, You look troubled." Kurama said. (A/N Hiei had not a single expression on his face yet Kurama can tell his mood by his looks)

"I have to ask you something Fox." Hiei said leaning on the wall. Kurama turned to face Hiei in his chair. Kurama could always set aside all matters to help a friend like Hiei who never asked for help much.

"Yes, Hiei, what is it" Kurama asked the fire demon.

"I need to fix things up with someone. Normally I wouldn't care but…" Hiei didn't say anything. He sort of trailed off into space. Kurama could tell something was wrong.

"But what, Hiei? Who is it that you need to fix things up with? What did you do?" Kurama asked the last question quite seriously.

"But this person is different. They didn't deserve what I did to them." Hiei said, completely ignoring Kurama's other questions.

"Hiei who is it?" Kurama asked softly. Hiei sighed, his head dropping a little.

"The Onna." Hiei said. Kurama shot up from his chair and nearly ran over to Hiei. Hiei's head shot up and he saw Kurama's eyes and they were angry.

"What did you do?" Kurama asked darkly. If Hiei had hurt Botan Kurama was going to hurt him greatly.

"I screwed up everything." Hiei said, completely ignoring Kurama's anger. Kurama's eyes drew out some of the anger and replaced it with worry.

"What happened Hiei?" Kurama asked sitting down on his bed. He patted the spot beside him, telling Hiei to sit down. Hiei did. When Hiei sat down he placed his head in his hands.

"I messed it all up. Fox, why am I so horrible?" Hiei asked. His weak moments were rarely, and trust me very rarely as in every blue moon rare, shown to anyone and he usually, when they came, only showed them to Kurama.

"You're not horrible Hiei. You're just very inexperienced with things. You aren't quite used to people and that's okay." Kurama put a comforting hand on Hiei's shoulder.

"It's not okay Fox. What I did is not okay." Hiei said angrily.

"Hiei what did you do?" Kurama asked softly.

"I found the Onna thinking about me and I rejected her. I know that if you don't love someone, don't go with them but I do love the Onna and what I did to her can never be forgiven…or never should be." Hiei said. Kurama sighed.

"What, exactly, did you say to her when you rejected her?" Kurama asked.

"I asked her what would make her think I would ever fall for a baka Onna like her." Hiei said in shame. Kurama smiled sadly.

"Hiei you can always fix things. Just go up to her and talk to her." Kurama said. Hiei shook his head.

"I don't know what I would say or do or anything." Hiei said and Kurama remembered that Hiei didn't have much experience in the field of love.

"Hiei just go up to her and tell her you need to talk. She will understand if it takes a while. She knows that you aren't the most social person. She won't push you if she loves you." Kurama said. Hiei sighed.

"Not only that but you may not even have to say anything." Kurama said. Hiei hadn't a clue what Kurama meant.

"You could just pull her into the other room and look into her eyes and give her a small kiss on the lips. She'll understand what it means." Kurama said. Hiei looked at Kurama and almost smiled.

"Fox, I know I wouldn't normally say this but thanks." Hiei said and disappeared. Kurama smiled, knowing just where his fire demon friend was going to go.

**With Hiei**

Hiei jumped from tree to tree. He knew Botan was going to be at Yukina's. He needed to tell Botan the truth. He didn't want to lose her like he did everyone else, or so he felt he did. Finally Hiei reached Yukina's house and calmly knocked on the door. Yukina answered it and smiled.

"Hello Hiei-kun. Botan's here just to let you know." Yukina said. She didn't sound happy with Hiei. Hiei sighed.

"Yukina, do you mind if I come in? I would like to say something to Botan." Hiei asked.

"Are you sure you haven't said enough to her?" Yukina wasn't trying to be rude but she wasn't about to risk having Botan hurt again.

"This I need to say to her. I'm trying to fix what I did." Hiei said sadly. Yukina smiled at him and let him in.

"Botan-Chan, Hiei-san is here." Yukina said. Botan looked at Hiei and smiled sadly.

"Welcome Hiei, how are you?" Botan asked, still smiling. Hiei walked over to Botan and asked if he could speak with her in private. Botan looked to Yukina who smiled and Botan nodded.

They walked into the living room. Both beings sat down on the couch. Botan turned towards Hiei, who was sitting there, refusing to look at her. Botan was confused.

"Onna, I want to ask of you not to say anything until I finish talking." Hiei said. Botan nodded.

"Onna, I know what I did was not right. I know I should not have invaded your mind nor should I have spoken to you like that. You hadn't done a thing wrong; you were only feeling emotions towards me and did not deserve the foulness I gave to you. For that I must say I am sorry. It was not right of me and I should not be forgiven for such a deed." Hiei said, sighed while staring at his hands.

"Hiei…" Botan whispered sadly. Hiei looked at her and could tell she was on the verge of tears.

"Hiei there is nothing wrong with what you did. It may have hurt me but I needed the truth, which you gave to me. Yes invading my mind wasn't the best way to find out what you did but still. You should and will be forgiven for your deed. You may not be human but that doesn't mean you don't have your emotions too. I forgive you Hiei. I'm glad I know how you feel towards me though." Botan said and smiled sadly at him.

"That's just it Onna. You don't know." Hiei said softly. Botan tilted her head a little to the side, a look of confusion placed upon her face. Hiei smirked and did as Kurama said. Hiei leaned forward and gave Botan a small kiss on the lips. When Hiei pulled back, he saw Botan crying. He thought he had done something wrong until he felt soft gentle arms wrap around his waist.

Hiei looked down and saw Botan's head placed upon his chest. She hugged him close to her and she snuggled up against him as well. Hiei slowly stroked Botan's hair. He put his arm under Botan's knees and lifted her to where she was sitting in his lap.

"I love you Hiei." Botan mumbled into Hiei's chest. Hiei smiled a real smile.

"I love you too Botan." Hiei whispered to her. He pulled Botan closer to him and stroked her hair. Botan sighed dreamily and looked up at Hiei. Hiei looked down at her face. Her eyes were sparkling, she was smiling and she looked like the best thing in the world to Hiei. Hiei couldn't hold it in and he leaned down and kissed Botan on the lips. Botan kissed back.

Yukina watched all of this from the kitchen and (1) Kurama watched all of this from the window. Both witnesses were smiling with happiness for their friends and family were happy and in love. Yukina looked at the new couple for a little longer and went back to making tea. Kurama smiled and walked away with his hands in his pockets. Both had done a well done job with Hiei and Botan and they both knew it would be a shocker to everyone else later on.

**Well that's it. I might make a third chapter where Hiei and Botan tell everyone but I don't know. Well Review please.**

1: Why Kurama was looking through the window was because he was going to go to Yukina's and check up on them but he saw them through the window and couldn't help but watch.


End file.
